Home Again
by ValaMalDoran-Jackson
Summary: John goes home


**A/N:** _I** was awake at oh-two-hundred writing this, I seem to write my best when I can't sleep, go figure. Blame the insomniac plot bunnies, once they bite, they don't let go until it's on paper, no matter how much I beg. Anyhoo, This is a sad one, forgive me. Love to have a review or two, flames will be returned to sender in spades..... And, no, sadly the song doesn't belong to me, it is** "Everytime" **by Britney Spears, but it was on my playlist and I started writing to it. I am not making any money from this, please don't sue if you own. Just playing in the wonderful world here, and I swear I will return things as I found them. (Minus Ronon Dex and Jennifer Keller, of course, best pairing EVER!!!)**_

The photos of her were clutched tightly in his hands, the edges crumpling slightly under his fingers. Gently tracing the curve of her face, he smiled. Even this little touch of heaven didn't ease the soul-deep ache he carried. He remembered the first time he had seen her, taken instantly by the wisdom in her eyes.

Now she was gone, and he was alone, the life ripped out of him as surely as if the Wraith had taken it. They all thought illnesses from the Pegasus Galaxy would skip her, she was an accepted part of the alien galaxy.

_Notice me, _

_take my hand _

_Why are we strangers when _

_Our love is strong _

_Why carry on without me _

He couldn't remember when she first became sick. As a part of his team, she had begun slowing down, backing out of running the city with him because her pregnancy was giving her trouble. Letting Ronon win during sparring matches.

When she collapsed on a mission and they had to get her to Atlantis, her heart giving out before they reached the city, he felt his soul break.

_Everytime I try to fly, I fall _

_Without my wings, _

_I feel so small I guess I need you, baby _

_And everytime I see you in my dreams _

_I see your face, _

_it's haunting me I guess I need you, baby _

Teyla had left her son to Jennifer and Ronon. She knew John couldn't handle a three year old while dealing with his own grief, he would do everything he could for Torren but would neglect his own life. Torren would soon be grieving the loss of his second parent, Jennifer and Ronon would be the best choice.

He missed Teyla.

The dreams were the worst, the ones she was alive again, laughing and happy, on a mission. He knew instinctively that she was dead, that he was dreaming, but she was _alive_ again, for a few brief moments, and he didn't want to wake up and see the emptiness around him.

_I make believe that you are here _

_It's the only way I see clear _

_What have I done _

_You seem to move on easy _

He talks to her still, imagines that he can hear her voice answering him. In the morning as he passes her rooms and hesitates, he can almost hear her singing a lullaby to the baby. Their baby. The baby that died with her, leaving Torren an only child and John without a tangible tie to the woman that was his life. After a time, Jennifer and Ronon took Torren to Earth, leaving John without even that reminder of his mate.

_And everytime I try to fly, __I fall _

_Without my wings, I feel so small _

_I guess I need you, baby _

_And everytime I see you in my dreams _

_I see your face, you're haunting me _

_I guess I need you, baby _

His arms ached, needing the weight of her in them. He had promised her that nothing would ever harm her or their children, a promise he hadn't been able to keep.

_I may have made it rain _

_Please forgive me _

_My weakness caused you pain _

_And this song's my sorry _

_At night __I pray _

_That soon your face will fade away_

John pushed the Jumper to top speed as flashes of his life with Teyla danced before his eyes. Ignored the voice of Rodney ordering - no, begging - him to pull up, to return to the city, as Teyla appeared at John's side in her usual place, the co-pilot's seat.

"_Soon, John. Soon." _She murmured to him, gently placing her hand over his on the controls of the Jumper.

"Teyla," he whispered, leaning to rest his forehead against hers. She smelled like the ocean, beautiful and free.

"I'm not leaving you." He felt alive again, didn't want it to end.

The Jumper hit the ocean at top speed, the view screen shattering and killing John instantly on impact. Rodney pulled his own Jumper up to avoid a crash, breathing hard. John had done it. Something they had worried about, put barriers in place to prevent, but his life had already ended much earlier. Once Teyla had died, he had declined as well, his body losing weight rapidly until he was nothing more than a shell of the man he once was.

_And everytime I try to fly, I fall _

_Without my wings, _

_I feel so small I guess I need you, baby _

_And everytime I see you in my dreams _

_I see your face, you're haunting me _

_I guess I need you, baby._

John found himself running through the forest on the mainland, lungs aching with fatigue until he broke free of the trees and into the clearing that housed the village of his adopted people. A woman stood a little way off, her back to him, a little girl in her arms. When she turned, his heart wrenched at the vision of her smile.

_Teyla_

"_Hello, John."_ She smiles and he is home again.


End file.
